ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your financial advisor is a spreadsheet you opened once in January.
It's been screaming quietly ever since.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- Hard work pays off eventually. It's paying off right now. Your boss just bought…
- You hyped your mate's mixtape. You've never listened to it. Neither has anyone. Including…
- Inside every older person is a younger person. The younger person is furious about…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- "Let's take this offline" means "let's never speak of this again." That's also the…
- "Per my last email" is the closest you'll ever get to a duel. You'll…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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