ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You don't have a type.
You have a pattern. Your friends have a group chat about it. You're not in it.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Love yourself first. Someone has to, and nobody else applied.
- Things will look better in the morning. No. They'll just be better lit.
- Don't settle. Your standards already have. They didn't tell you.
- You sent "lol" to avoid having feelings. It worked. You feel nothing, said nothing,…
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- You've "romanticised your life". It's a candle, a croissant and a playlist called "main…
- Nothing says adulthood like being excited about a new kettle. The kettle will outlast…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 444
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