ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your 47 open tabs are an accurate map of your inner life.
Someone will close them after the funeral. Unread.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're "taking a social media break". You announced it on social media. Twice. With…
- You say you're "an old soul". You're 21. The only old thing about you…
- A good night out now means home by ten. Nobody had to come and…
- You have a "comfort show". You've watched it 11 times. You've seen your friends…
- The return to office is completely optional. So was the badge-swipe leaderboard, and yet…
- Nobody has ever said "thank goodness it's Monday". Except a manager, and he meant…
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 444
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