They posted an apology in the Notes app.
It was addressed to the fans. The person they hurt didn't get a screenshot.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
ABOUT THE SHOWBIZ FILE
Showbiz quotes, for anyone who has read a celebrity statement twice and found no sorry.
Quotes for the Notes-app apology, the four-hour award show, the reality star who was there for the right reasons and the comeback tour on its fourth comeback. No real celebrity is named here. They don't need to be. You will recognise every one of them anyway.
MORE FROM THE SHOWBIZ FILE
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
Keep falling.
It doesn’t get better. It does get funnier.
COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY STATISTICNo. 001
2.3 seconds
is how long it takes to forget someone's name after they've told you it. They forgot yours in 1.1.
SOURCE: SOCIAL MEMORY LAB, DEFUNDED
THE SADIST TIMES · RED TAPEREAD →
COUNCIL SPOKESPERSON CONFIRMS LESSONS WILL BE LEARNED, DECLINES TO SAY WHICH OR BY WHOM
Statement contains the words “review”, “ongoing” and “absolutely”, but no lessons.
FORECAST · 10 SECONDSTOOL
Ruin My Day
Our forecasting department has never been wrong. It just hadn’t got round to you.
RUIN IT →QUOTE · GEN ZNo. 004
You're "so random".
You've told the same "so random" story at every party since 2022.
BAD ADVICENo. 005
How to Start Going to the Gym (And Keep Paying for It)
- Sign up for a 12-month membership in January.
- Buy matching workout clothes.
- Go three times.
QUOTE · PARENTINGNo. 006
Your teenager isn't ignoring everyone.
Just you. You're saved in their phone as "Do Not Answer".
HALL OF BAD DECISIONS · EXHIBITNo. 007
The Throwback Trip
Four of us recreated a holiday we'd taken in 2016: same town, same apartment, same matching T-shirts. The apartment had been renovated into somewhere…
CONFESSED BY ANONYMOUS
QUOTE · MONEYNo. 008
Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.
Your overdraft found it first. It's been compounding you since 2017.
LOADING MORE DISAPPOINTMENT…
you could stop. you won’t.
ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP. STILL MORE ACCURATE THAN YOUR HOROSCOPE.
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT
One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, statistics about your decline, and observations that will quietly ruin your Sunday.
No spam. Just disappointment. Unsubscribe whenever you regain hope.