ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You left them on read "to be mysterious".
They didn't notice. They were also being mysterious. You're now two mysteries who will never speak again.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You call yourself "a bit of a foodie". You've ordered the same chicken 64…
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- You quit your job to "find yourself". Found you. You're on your parents' sofa,…
- Your desk plant is the only thing in the office still growing. When you…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
- Listen to your body. It's asking for a biscuit and a lie-down. It's been…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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