ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your fitness app's AI coach called a four-minute walk "incredible progress".
It said the same when you opened it by accident. It'll keep saying it after you've gone, if nobody cancels the subscription.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your soulmate is out there. Currently leaving someone better on read.
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- “I'm here for the right reasons.” The reasons are a teeth-whitening deal and a…
- Work smarter, not harder. You've chosen neither, and HR has a folder.
- Clear-coding means stating your intentions up front. Hers was "I have a hard stop…
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- You've "romanticised your life". It's a candle, a croissant and a playlist called "main…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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