ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You started saying "oof" when you sit down.
That's the countdown, out loud.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- Treat yourself, they said. You did. Four times before lunch. Your pension felt every…
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
- They posted an apology in the Notes app. It was addressed to the fans.…
- A source close to the star confirmed the story. The source is the star.…
- The weekend is two days long. Monday is nine emotional days long, and you're…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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