ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
“I'm here for the right reasons.”
The reasons are a teeth-whitening deal and a fake tan.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The losers stay in office until January. It's the only job where being fired…
- You have a "comfort show". You've watched it 11 times. You've seen your friends…
- Kids grow up so fast. Except between 5pm and bedtime, when time stops and…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- Treat yourself, they said. You did. Four times before lunch. Your pension felt every…
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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