ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You say you're "an old soul".
You're 21. The only old thing about you is your phone's battery health.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You said "my For You page knows me so well". It knows you're awake…
- You can't take money with you when you go. Your direct debits, however, will…
- Listen to your body. It's asking for a biscuit and a lie-down. It's been…
- You call yourself "a bit of a foodie". You've ordered the same chicken 64…
- The award show ran four hours. The only winner was the advert break.
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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