ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Nothing says adulthood like being excited about a new kettle.
The kettle will outlast the excitement. Possibly you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Skipping your daily coffee won't buy you a house. Nothing will. Have the coffee.
- You said "that's so me" about a horoscope. It also described 600 million other…
- "Let's take this offline" means "let's never speak of this again." That's also the…
- Youth is wasted on the young. You wasted yours too. Old age is next,…
- You got the ick because they ran for a bus. You've been single three…
- You're not getting older. You're getting closer. That's worse.
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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