ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You swore you'd never sound like your parents.
You just said "because I said so" in your dad's exact voice. He lives in you now.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
- Children are a blessing. They're also why the remote is in the bin and…
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
- You have 2,000 followers and nobody to help you move. Your audience is very…
- You said you're "built different". You're built the same. Just assembled worse.
- The in-office lunch is optional. The man with the clipboard and no sandwich is…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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