ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Listen to your body.
It's asking for a biscuit and a lie-down. It's been asking for eleven years.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- Monday morning has the energy of a printer that knows you're in a hurry.…
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- You went "no contact" with your ex. You still check their Spotify. They're listening…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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