ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your financial advisor is a spreadsheet you opened once in January.
It's been screaming quietly ever since.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your boss hasn't taken a sick day in ten years. He has, however, given…
- The update is 200GB. Your free afternoon was smaller.
- Kids grow up so fast. Except between 5pm and bedtime, when time stops and…
- Fortnite was free to play. It was not free to stop.
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- You have 47 tabs open. Three are jobs you'll never apply for, one's a…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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