ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.
Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your toddler has stronger opinions about sock seams than you've had about anything since…
- You've been "about to start the gym" since January. It's October. The gym has…
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
- You don't have a spending problem. You have an income problem, and it's terminal.
- The return to office is completely optional. So was the badge-swipe leaderboard, and yet…
- You're not broke. You're pre-rich. The "pre" is permanent.
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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