ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your 5am routine went viral.
You did it once, filmed it, and have slept until 11 every day since. The algorithm doesn't know. Your landlord does.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You "can't do mornings". You also can't do afternoons, evenings or emails.
- You said "that's so me" about a horoscope. It also described 600 million other…
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- Being a parent means eating cold crusts standing up and calling it dinner. You'll…
- Money can't buy happiness. You'll never have enough to check.
- True love is choosing the same person every day. They're choosing, daily, whether to…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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