ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Dating apps let you meet hundreds of people.
All of them are "just seeing where it goes". It goes nowhere. It went nowhere with you twice.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You bought the yoga mat. The cat uses it. The cat is more flexible,…
- You sent "lol" to avoid having feelings. It worked. You feel nothing, said nothing,…
- You're "taking a social media break". You announced it on social media. Twice. With…
- "Let's take this offline" means "let's never speak of this again." That's also the…
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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