ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month.
The call took 94 minutes. You break even in 2031. They put it back up in 2027.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- You call your mum "for advice". You call her for the Netflix password.
- The first email you open on Monday is a reply-all from Friday. Forty replies.…
- Nothing says adulthood like being excited about a new kettle. The kettle will outlast…
- You said "that's so me" about a horoscope. It also described 600 million other…
- They posted an apology in the Notes app. It was addressed to the fans.…
- You have a "5-year plan". It's a Pinterest board. It's mostly kitchens.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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