ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Inside every older person is a younger person.
The younger person is furious about the knees.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You've "been meaning to" for three years. The thing you meant to do has…
- Money can't buy happiness. You'll never have enough to check.
- There's someone out there for everyone. Yours married someone else in 2019. They look…
- You quit your job to "find yourself". Found you. You're on your parents' sofa,…
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- Move fast and break things. You broke the coffee machine, the budget and your…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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