ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad.
The news is still bad. Your eyes are warmer. So is your overdraft.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
- When life gives you lemons, it sends the invoice later. With interest.
- Your Candy Crush streak is on day 212. The game hasn't been fun since…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- Your startup is a chatbot that tells customers they're right. Investors loved it. The…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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