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ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED

DAILY DEMOTIVATION

A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.

ARCHIVED DEMOTIVATION THURSDAY, 9 SEPTEMBER 2004
Your chatbot calls every one of your ideas "a really insightful question".
Zack has read your ideas. Zack would like them escorted from the building.

— Zack, unqualified

VERIFIED
UNHELPFUL

PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE

  1. Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
  2. Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
  3. Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
  4. When life gives you lemons, it sends the invoice later. With interest.
  5. Your Candy Crush streak is on day 212. The game hasn't been fun since…
  6. Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
  7. Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.

THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR

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Newsletter / Issue No. 445

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