ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You received 40 fundraising texts today.
Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your chatbot calls every one of your ideas "a really insightful question". Zack has…
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
- When life gives you lemons, it sends the invoice later. With interest.
- Your Candy Crush streak is on day 212. The game hasn't been fun since…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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