ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime.
They said that last time. Your lifetime is very important.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- They say sweat is weakness leaving the body. Yours has decided to stay.
- Your step counter used to set goals. Now it just sends "Hello?" like a…
- You got a houseplant to "take care of something". It died. Even the plant…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- You call yourself "a bit of a foodie". You've ordered the same chicken 64…
- Your 5am routine went viral. You did it once, filmed it, and have slept…
- “Just one more game” of FIFA was the most dishonest sentence in the English…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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