ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.
Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
- Lessons will be learned. By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
- They posted an apology in the Notes app. It was addressed to the fans.…
- You left them on read "to be mysterious". They didn't notice. They were also…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- "It's only Monday" is the most threatening sentence in English. It will be only…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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