ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You're "in your villain era".
You returned a lukewarm coffee and apologised four times. Villains have done less damage at a christening.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You have an eleven-step skincare routine. Your sleep schedule has none. The serum is…
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- Some days you're the pigeon. Most days you're the statue, and nobody remembers who…
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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