ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment.
The candles are outnumbering the years you've got left.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Dating apps let you meet hundreds of people. All of them are "just seeing…
- You put "open to work" on LinkedIn. Six recruiters viewed your profile. Five were…
- You don't skip leg day. You skip every day. The legs know. The legs…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Be your own boss. Your new boss naps at 2pm, can't pay you, and…
- You said you'd "touch grass" this weekend. You took a photo of grass, posted…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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