ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You say you're "an old soul".
You're 21. The only old thing about you is your phone's battery health.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Synergy is two departments confused about the same thing at once. They'll merge. You'll…
- "Per my last email" is the closest you'll ever get to a duel. You'll…
- Be yourself. Everyone else is taken. They were picked first. You're what was left.
- A good night out now means home by ten. Nobody had to come and…
- The first email you open on Monday is a reply-all from Friday. Forty replies.…
- Your banking app pauses slightly before opening. It's deciding how to tell you.
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
SEND ME ONE DEPRESSING THOUGHT EVERY MORNING
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