ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You did the Mannequin Challenge again for old times' sake.
The standing still was flawless. The getting up took a team, a run-up and a noise you'd never made before.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- Money can't buy happiness. You'll never have enough to check.
- Your soft launch was a hand in a photo. The hard launch never came.…
- Every birthday is a gift. The gift is one fewer birthday.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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