ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
“Too close to call” means nobody knows.
It is said by people paid a lot to know.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
- You did the Mannequin Challenge again for old times' sake. The standing still was…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- Money can't buy happiness. You'll never have enough to check.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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