ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You bought the yoga mat.
The cat uses it. The cat is more flexible, more mindful and better liked.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- They'll hold a minute's silence for you at the all-hands. It will be the…
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- You're "manifesting abundance". The only thing abundant is your payment reminders.
- “Too close to call” means nobody knows. It is said by people paid a…
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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