ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month.
The call took 94 minutes. You break even in 2031. They put it back up in 2027.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You "don't do small talk". You also don't do big talk, phone calls, emails…
- It's not a career ladder. It's a hamster wheel. The hamster has a LinkedIn…
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- Your soft launch was a hand in a photo. The hard launch never came.…
- They're taking time away from social media. You know because they posted about it…
- The house will be tidy again one day. The day they move out. Tidy,…
- Some people run marathons. You run late, and you still come last.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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