ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
"It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years.
You're the phase they'll describe to a therapist.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You film "Sunday reset" videos. By Tuesday your room has reset itself, to Saturday.
- Lessons will be learned. By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
- Your call is important to us. Not important enough to answer, but important.
- You've "been meaning to" for three years. The thing you meant to do has…
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
- You're ageing like a fine wine. Expensive, slightly sour, best kept in the dark,…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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