ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Good things come to those who wait.
You waited so long they went to someone who didn't.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You have a "5-year plan". It's a Pinterest board. It's mostly kitchens.
- There's someone out there for everyone. Yours married someone else in 2019. They look…
- You've rewritten that text nine times to sound like you didn't care. It's been…
- Every Monday you swear this week will be different. You've sworn it nine hundred…
- You are exactly where you're meant to be. That should frighten you more than…
- Monday motivation is a myth. Like the Loch Ness Monster, a clean office microwave,…
- Your back now goes out when you sneeze. It goes out more than you…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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