The council listened to your feedback.
Then it did the thing anyway, but with listening.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
ABOUT THE RED TAPE FILE
Red tape quotes, for anyone whose call is important to someone, somewhere.
Quotes for the consultation nobody read, the form that needs a form, the pothole with its own fan page and the election night that turned into a week. Every side gets the same treatment here. Zack has been on hold since 2019. He has learned many lessons. None of them were the ones promised.
MORE FROM THE RED TAPE FILE
- 01Your call is important to us.Not important enough to answer, but important.
- 02Lessons will be learned.By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
- 03Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime.They said that last time. Your lifetime is very important.
- 04You received 40 fundraising texts today.Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
Keep falling.
It doesn’t get better. It does get funnier.
COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY STATISTICNo. 001
100%
of these statistics were made up. Still more accurate than your horoscope, your pension forecast and your five-year plan.
SOURCE: ZACK, PERSONALLY, UNDER NO OATH
THE SADIST TIMES · GEN ZREAD →
STUDY: 9 IN 10 'QUICK QUESTIONS' IN GROUP CHATS ARE NEITHER QUICK NOR A QUESTION
Average “quick question” found to run to 340 words, two voice notes and an unrelated screenshot.
GENERATOR · 1 MINUTETOOL
Meme Generator
Put Zack’s face on your problems. Download, share, regret.
MAKE A MEME →QUOTE · RED TAPENo. 004
Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime.
They said that last time. Your lifetime is very important.
BAD ADVICENo. 005
How to Be More Productive Without Producing Anything
- Download a productivity app.
- Spend Sunday customising it.
- Choose a colour for every type of task, including "relaxing."
QUOTE · RED TAPENo. 006
Your call is important to us.
Not important enough to answer, but important.
HALL OF BAD DECISIONS · EXHIBITNo. 007
The Throwback Trip
Four of us recreated a holiday we'd taken in 2016: same town, same apartment, same matching T-shirts. The apartment had been renovated into somewhere…
CONFESSED BY ANONYMOUS
QUOTE · RED TAPENo. 008
Lessons will be learned.
By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
LOADING MORE DISAPPOINTMENT…
you could stop. you won’t.
ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP. STILL MORE ACCURATE THAN YOUR HOROSCOPE.
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT
One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, statistics about your decline, and observations that will quietly ruin your Sunday.
No spam. Just disappointment. Unsubscribe whenever you regain hope.