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THE RED TAPE FILE / 5 QUOTES / APPROVED BY NOBODY

Red tape quotes, for anyone whose call is important to someone, somewhere.

Quotes for the consultation nobody read, the form that needs a form, the pothole with its own fan page and the election night that turned into a week. Every side gets the same treatment here. Zack has been on hold since 2019. He has learned many lessons. None of them were the ones promised.

Paste one into the residents' group. Read one out at the next council meeting, if you can find out when it is. None of this is about any real politician; it's about the language they all share: the review that is ongoing, the mistakes that were made, the lessons that will be learned. Your feedback has been noted. It has been filed in a drawer marked “later”.

ALL 5 RED TAPE QUOTES

  1. 01Your call is important to us.Not important enough to answer, but important.
  2. 02Lessons will be learned.By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
  3. 03Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime.They said that last time. Your lifetime is very important.
  4. 04You received 40 fundraising texts today.Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
  5. 05The council listened to your feedback.Then it did the thing anyway, but with listening.

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YOU’VE BEEN WARNED

Keep falling.

It doesn’t get better. It does get funnier.

COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY STATISTICNo. 001

31%

of people have kept a bad haircut rather than make it awkward with the hairdresser. The hairdresser knew. The hairdresser always knows.

SOURCE: SALON SILENCE FOUNDATION

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Followers had seen a hand, a sleeve and the back of a head, but never a face.

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Put Zack’s face on your problems. Download, share, regret.

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QUOTE · RED TAPENo. 004

Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime.

They said that last time. Your lifetime is very important.

BAD ADVICENo. 005

How to Set Boundaries (You Won't, but Read Anyway)

  1. Read an article about setting boundaries.
  2. Feel empowered.
  3. Get asked to help someone move house on Saturday.

QUOTE · RED TAPENo. 006

You received 40 fundraising texts today.

Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.

HALL OF BAD DECISIONS · EXHIBITNo. 007

Kettle Soup

We'd been best friends for ten years, so moving in together felt obvious. It took six days to discover he heats soup in the…

CONFESSED BY ANONYMOUS

QUOTE · RED TAPENo. 008

Lessons will be learned.

By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.

LOADING MORE DISAPPOINTMENT…

you could stop. you won’t.

ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP. STILL MORE ACCURATE THAN YOUR HOROSCOPE.

Newsletter / Issue No. 445

THE WEEKLY DISAPPOINTMENT

One email a week. Advice you didn't ask for, statistics about your decline, and observations that will quietly ruin your Sunday.

No spam. Just disappointment. Unsubscribe whenever you regain hope.