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ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED

DAILY DEMOTIVATION

A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.

ARCHIVED DEMOTIVATION SATURDAY, 16 SEPTEMBER 1978
Everyone's bringing back the dog filter.
Your face has been doing the droopy-ears look on its own since March, and it doesn't come off when you close the app.

— Zack, unqualified

VERIFIED
UNHELPFUL

PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE

  1. You're "on a gap year". It's your third.
  2. You say you're "an old soul". You're 21. The only old thing about you…
  3. When you're gone, the one who misses you most will be the algorithm. It…
  4. Monday morning has the energy of a printer that knows you're in a hurry.…
  5. Think outside the box. The box had the budget. You're out here with a…
  6. You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
  7. The update is 200GB. Your free afternoon was smaller.

THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR

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Newsletter / Issue No. 446

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