ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You say you're "an old soul".
You're 21. The only old thing about you is your phone's battery health.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You film "Sunday reset" videos. By Tuesday your room has reset itself, to Saturday.
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- Sleep when the baby sleeps. Also pay the mortgage when the baby pays the…
- You don't have a type. You have a pattern. Your friends have a group…
- You "love deeply". Mostly a fictional man who doesn't know you exist. Neither do…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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