ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad.
The news is still bad. Your eyes are warmer. So is your overdraft.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is someone asking, "Can you see…
- You got the ick because they ran for a bus. You've been single three…
- Romance isn't dead. It just stopped waiting for a reply to your "hey" from…
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- The in-office lunch is optional. The man with the clipboard and no sandwich is…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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