ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You have a "5-year plan".
It's a Pinterest board. It's mostly kitchens.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Somebody, somewhere, is checking their phone hoping it's you. It's a debt collector.
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- When life gives you lemons, it sends the invoice later. With interest.
- The bins are now fortnightly. The council tax is still monthly.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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