ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month.
The call took 94 minutes. You break even in 2031. They put it back up in 2027.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
- Beach body ready? The beach has been ready for four billion years. It isn't…
- You said you're "built different". You're built the same. Just assembled worse.
- You're "on a gap year". It's your third.
- Things will look better in the morning. No. They'll just be better lit.
- You're "in your villain era". You returned a lukewarm coffee and apologised four times.…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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