ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to something.
They haven't. They've committed to watching your stories within four seconds and replying to nothing.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your step counter used to set goals. Now it just sends "Hello?" like a…
- You hyped your mate's mixtape. You've never listened to it. Neither has anyone. Including…
- Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment. The candles are outnumbering the years…
- You said you "thrive in a fast-paced environment". It took you three days to…
- Your company's core values are printed on the wall. So nobody has to have…
- Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime. They said…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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