ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.
Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You "don't believe in labels". You believe in being kept as an option.
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- You've rewritten that text nine times to sound like you didn't care. It's been…
- Your back now goes out when you sneeze. It goes out more than you…
- You're "in your villain era". You returned a lukewarm coffee and apologised four times.…
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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