ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Every birthday is a gift.
The gift is one fewer birthday.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You bought the yoga mat. The cat uses it. The cat is more flexible,…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- You "don't believe in labels". You believe in being kept as an option.
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- You've rewritten that text nine times to sound like you didn't care. It's been…
- Your back now goes out when you sneeze. It goes out more than you…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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