ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Every birthday is a gift.
The gift is one fewer birthday.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- Every relationship has a honeymoon period. Yours was the walk from the bar to…
- Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime. They said…
- Love is patient. Your partner is not, and has started a note on their…
- You got the ick because they ran for a bus. You've been single three…
- You have 2,000 followers and nobody to help you move. Your audience is very…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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