ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You wanted a mini-me.
You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost to you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- You're "taking a social media break". You announced it on social media. Twice. With…
- Consistency is key. You've said "I'll go tomorrow" for three years. It's the only…
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
- You've been "about to start the gym" since January. It's October. The gym has…
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
- Your thirties are your twenties with consequences. The hangover lasts until Wednesday and reports…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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