ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Dress for the job you want.
The job you have will see you in at nine, in a lanyard, until retirement or restructure. Bet on restructure.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your banking app pauses slightly before opening. It's deciding how to tell you.
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
- You said you're "booked and busy". Booked for a dentist you'll cancel. Busy rewatching…
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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