ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Rise and grind.
Your teeth have been grinding all night. Your dentist bought a boat.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You've rewritten that text nine times to sound like you didn't care. It's been…
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- You said "this is my year". You've said it since 2019. The years have…
- Lessons will be learned. By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
- You don't skip leg day. You skip every day. The legs know. The legs…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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