ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The customer is always right.
The customer is also on hold, forever, which is exactly how the company likes it.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- Youth is wasted on the young. You wasted yours too. Old age is next,…
- You call your mum "for advice". You call her for the Netflix password.
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up was optional. You ticked "later". This is later.…
- You "grew out of" your old friends. They grew out of waiting for you…
- Monday morning has the energy of a printer that knows you're in a hurry.…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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