ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You said you "thrive in a fast-paced environment".
It took you three days to reply "thanks".
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The award show ran four hours. The only winner was the advert break.
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- You "don't do small talk". You also don't do big talk, phone calls, emails…
- The bins are now fortnightly. The council tax is still monthly.
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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