ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
A source close to the star confirmed the story.
The source is the star. It always was.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
- Your friends' group chat went quiet. It didn't. They made a new one. Same…
- You have 2,000 followers and nobody to help you move. Your audience is very…
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
- Your Candy Crush streak is on day 212. The game hasn't been fun since…
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
SEND ME ONE DEPRESSING THOUGHT EVERY MORNING
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