ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Abs are made in the kitchen.
So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're not getting older. You're getting closer. That's worse.
- You have a "5-year plan". It's a Pinterest board. It's mostly kitchens.
- Your banking app pauses slightly before opening. It's deciding how to tell you.
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- You've "been meaning to" for three years. The thing you meant to do has…
- Your alarm didn't wake you. The dread did. It doesn't have a snooze button.
- You said you "thrive in a fast-paced environment". It took you three days to…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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